Wow it’s been almost 2 years to the day since my last post! Man so much to catch up on it is slightly overwhelming lol. I didn’t sleep last night and the thought of doing an entire catch-up post is overwhelming, so I’m just gonna cover some recent events :) About 2 months ago I’m not sure what specifically prompted this, but I finally decided to see a psychiatrist to try and get some medication. For a long time I’ve been really curious about how adderall could benefit my life and I figured I’d give it a real try and see what happens. Well, long story short, I got it and have had the most productive, eye opening 2 months I’ve ever had!
Now I know there are people that will look down on me for a) resorting to medication to fix my problems and b) of all meds actually taking adderall which is basically amphetamine salts. Some people think taking any kind of psychiatric medication is a sign of weakness, and to them I’d just have to flat out disagree. I’ll let them have their viewpoint, but taking medication in an attempt to better my life is something I will never, ever, feel guilty about. As to the second point, well I agree somewhat. I know adderall is a serious drug and can have even more serious consequences if you’re not careful. I recognize it is a stimulant and it is abused by many people. I also recognize that is has a very high potential for addiction. But you know what, I still think it is the right medication for me, and my experience so far has been unbelievably positive.
There are 2 major benefits to this medication. The first one is enhanced focus/productivity. Anyone that knows me knows that I have had some significant struggles in the last 6 years. Some were the result of events I had no choice in, but others were because of my lack of discipline and self control. Adderall greatly helps with the latter. I am still very far from the lifestyle I want for myself, but over the past 2 months I have seen some amazing changes in the right direction.
The second benefit is actually an unintentional effect of the medication. Reduced appetite. I can honestly say my weight has caused me more grief than anything else in my life. Ever since I was 8 I have been overweight but it has only been the past 6 years that I have been severely overweight, falling into the disgustingly named “morbidly obese” category of BMIs. If having an extra 35 lbs caused me constant insecurity in my teens, you can only imagine what being almost 200 lbs overweight has done to me.
I’ve known for quite some time that I have a serious eating addiction, but I never really understood how severe it was until I started adderall and like magic, it disappeared. It was the first time in my entire life that I didn’t think about food constantly. Food was no longer an activity or reward but simply fuel for my body. It’s not even that I am never hungry, it is just that aside from my meals, food doesn’t enter my mind. And let me tell you it is one of the most unbelievable feelings and a benefit I never could have imagined in my wildest dreams. Sure I heard adderall curbed hunger, and I figured I would eat less and not as often, but I never predicted it could change the way I viewed food!
Of course it isn’t a permanent change. When I am not on adderall I get my old cravings and think about food all the time, but I have seen what it’s like to have a healthy relationship with food and I try my best to use that knowledge on my off days. I’ve already lost some weight as a result, but I know the really significant progress will start when I fully commit to changing my life. I’ve started to add exercise and I have made an effort not to eat fast food if I can help it. The only fast food I’ve eaten in the past 3 weeks is a grilled chicken wrap from McDonalds and I consider that a real victory!
There is so much more I want to write about, but I can see this post is already quite long so I’ll get to the other stuff in my next entry :) I’ve not had the best track record with keeping up a blog in the past, but I feel like I really have a chance to get my life back now and I want to try and document it if I can :P
