I lost a lot of weight at the start but I've been disappointed at the rate I've been losing since I started working out in late January. I thought if I was losing weight just by eating less, if I cut out fast food, any drink but water, and actually exercised then the weight would just have to fly off! But it actually seemed to be slower? I'm definitely still losing, but I dunno, I guess my expectations were too high.
Which brings my back to the adderall. I've read my fair share of stories where they say how adderall ruined their life, and how they wish they'd never started. Well I don't really feel that. Maybe it's because I haven't tried to quit yet, or maybe it was because I honestly tried my hardest not to abuse it. I was extra careful about only taking my normal dose, not increasing it for extra effects etc, and I always took 2 days off every 7-9 days. But even so, the doses haven't felt as potent lately. And that's not surprising. Of course that's how tolerance works. But it's sad nonetheless.
I'm not sure that I've done enough of what I wanted to get accomplished with it. I've done some great stuff and I don't want to discount that. I lost 65 lbs, I quit smoking, I started a habit of working out that has proven to be stronger than my urge to be lazy. I quit gaming and started working for my Dad. I still felt depression sometimes though. Especially in the past month or two, which I think was to be expected as the dosage wasn't as effective and I'm coming to the end of the period where my previous accomplishments are enough to sustain me. I need some new ones.
I started Wellbutrin 11 days ago. I wanted to try it because I've tried Zoloft and Celexa before, and I read that in some cases, people found the Wellbutrin helped soften some of the adderall personality and social harshness. I also thought it would be a good choice for me as an anti-depressant and slight stimulant once I stopped taking adderall. I've definitely noticed it help soften my "get work done" attitude I've developed, but I also had a really bad night 2 days ago when I had almost 3 margaritas and ended up with this intense anger episode I had read could be an early side effect. I don't want to get into that now, but it wasn't great.
Up until the last 2 days or so I had felt like the Wellbutrin had really helped with my moods, and made me more social and interested in doing things with others, but there was no question that it muted the adderall effects. But that's not a reason to stop it because really the adderall was losing effectiveness anyway, and Wellbutrin could really help with my depression and even help me stay away from cigs. Tonight I'm feeling pretty melancholy and I had that anger outburst 2 nights ago, so really it's not being so great lately. But I'm going to keep taking it and give it a proper chance.
Another incredibly long post and the sadness is making me tired so I'm gonna go. I'll end on a good note though, I'm so close to breaking under the 300 lb mark, I still have to work on my discipline because I had a bad night with chips a day after weight in at the lowest weight in years, so I'm not home free. But also 2 days ago was my 150th day/5 month anniversary since I quit smoking. So hell ya that feels great :) I still get cravings randomly, or encounter a situation where I remember I used to love smoking in, but there's also a lot of times (and I really try to make a mental note of them) where I'm so happy I'm not a smoker. When I see someone leaving a bar to smoke, or thinking about having to go outside late and night in the cold to get my last cig before bed, or when I kiss my dogs or they lick my hand and I don't have to feel bad about the smell.
So.. congrats to me, really awesome job with smoking, I honestly couldn't be prouder <3 div="">
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