Before I left for my appointment today I got really frustrated/angry with my mom because she couldn't find the car keys and I didn't want to be late. After checking the house, trunk, and mailbox (because I guess she'd left them in the trunk before and the neighbors put them in the mailbox) finally we found a 2nd set and discovered them on the front seat. By the time I got in the car to leave I was a bit of a mess. Very angry. very frustrated and I had the most intense craving yet. I even briefly thought "oh, so this is how I start smoking again".
But I sat there, fuming, angry, sad, depressed.. but I didn't smoke. I put on some music and just started driving and by the time I got on the freeway I realized I'd gotten past the worst of it and one of the things I kept reminding myself is that smoking didn't fix anything. I won't deny it felt good during stress but that was only because it was a drug my body was craving. I got through the moment without smoking and I feel 100x better now.
A major positive I've found is as someone who hasn't really pushed herself in the past 4 years or so.. I feel like my self-discipline is shot. I don't always have confidence that I can do whatever I set my mind to and I refer to myself as "weak" way too often. I know I need to stop doing that and starting some CBT on my own has helped me stop those thoughts and replace them if I remember.
But what I was saying is quitting smoking has actually been such a boost of self confidence. I keep having these little self-discipline victories each time I don't give in to a craving. Honestly I can't imagine anything else that could build self-esteem like quitting cigarettes!! So weird! I think momentum is so powerful.. and I realized even if I do mess up one day and start smoking again.. no one.. not even my mind.. can take away from all the victories I've had this past week. And I can look back and reference those moments of strength when I'm feeling weak and say "Hey Alex.. look what you did! Look what you can do!"
It makes me tear up to even think about that stuff because I think it really is so powerful. I'm just grateful that I'm able to feel this way and I just want to keep this up.
So today was a stressful day and a slightly depressing day, but it was also a really amazing day because I proved that I am stronger than I ever thought I was :)
A major positive I've found is as someone who hasn't really pushed herself in the past 4 years or so.. I feel like my self-discipline is shot. I don't always have confidence that I can do whatever I set my mind to and I refer to myself as "weak" way too often. I know I need to stop doing that and starting some CBT on my own has helped me stop those thoughts and replace them if I remember.
But what I was saying is quitting smoking has actually been such a boost of self confidence. I keep having these little self-discipline victories each time I don't give in to a craving. Honestly I can't imagine anything else that could build self-esteem like quitting cigarettes!! So weird! I think momentum is so powerful.. and I realized even if I do mess up one day and start smoking again.. no one.. not even my mind.. can take away from all the victories I've had this past week. And I can look back and reference those moments of strength when I'm feeling weak and say "Hey Alex.. look what you did! Look what you can do!"
It makes me tear up to even think about that stuff because I think it really is so powerful. I'm just grateful that I'm able to feel this way and I just want to keep this up.
So today was a stressful day and a slightly depressing day, but it was also a really amazing day because I proved that I am stronger than I ever thought I was :)
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