Almost 3 weeks

Its now been almost 3 weeks since I quit smoking. The last few days have been very hard for me. I truly don’t think I’m craving the nicotine anymore, its just the psychological habit that I need to work through. I’m afraid that I’ve been too easy on myself for years now, and my mind is soft so to speak. Quitting smoking is not going to be easy, and I know that scares me, and it makes me want to give up. I kind of hate that about myself. I’m not sure if I always was like this, I’d hope not.

One of my recent realizations was that if I go back to smoking after what has happened, I’m not sure I’ll ever really be able to quit. I’ve always said I would never smoke if I was pregnant or had children, and I still believe that.. but how much more damage would I do to my body if I kept smoking for another 5-10 years? I’m honest enough with myself to admit that I smoked because I just didn’t care about my future. It was the same reason I’ve gotten so fat the last few years. I just gave up and was slowly (or maybe not so slowly) eating and smoking myself to death. Thats kind of heavy to think about, but I truly couldn’t focus on anything bigger than the upcoming week. The fact that this ridiculous habit could kill me didn’t change one thing. I didn’t mind getting so fat because I never left my house. Sure the occasional time that I did go out, I felt terrible and so embarrassed I could barely stand it, but 90% of the time I was safe in my house.

Well its been 3 weeks and I can’t say that I all of a sudden have a life goal, or something amazing to live for, but I do know I’ve not smoked for 3 weeks and I also know I’ve been exercising daily and eating healthy foods. I can’t quit now, even if it seems so easy and appealing. Everything aligned for me and I started a very important journey 3 weeks ago, and if I give up now and give in to my temptations and weakness I’m not sure I’ll ever quit smoking/get healthy.

I have so many bad habits and weak thoughts that have built up over the years and I know this will be a struggle, but I’ve spent too much time taking the easy route and its done nothing to better my life. I do have hope though. I know I am still young and it is not too late to change, I have so much time ahead of me and I need to remember that the journey is just as important as the destination.